Anytime
by Browns
Summary: Bella and Edward have been best friends for seven years. One night, the unexpected happens and it turns their worlds upside down. When the answer is anytime, does the question really matter? Rated M - BPOV Drabble
1. Chapter 1

**Anytime A/N**: Welcome to my latest words…

My initial author's note for this story will most likely be longer than the first chapter. LOL, I apologize in advance.

The good news is I won't inundate you with endless notes going forward, maybe just a word or five. Unless you all have the same question about a chapter, or the story in general.

Special thanks to my Beta and friend **Scorp_112** for correcting my mistakes, and most importantly for encouraging me to post this drabble like rambling.

Public Service Announcements (**PSA**):

1. If you have a problem with cheating, DO NOT read this story. The main characters are cheaters.

2. No, Bella will not cheat on Edward, or he on her…but they cheat.

3. Bella and Edward will most likely be the only canon couple. Others pass through intermittently, but they will not be canon AT ALL, so be forewarned.

4. If you've read my other stories, you know I don't have a posting schedule. My life doesn't allow me to write on a regular basis, so I am not going to lie and tell you I will post regularly. I am trying to write as much as I can until this is finished and I do have many pre-written chapters.

5. That being said, this will not be long and drawn out like OWATWWW. I've always wanted to write something short and sweet, so this will be it.

6. If you enjoy it, review it. I have no way of knowing you like it, unless you review. The new blue button is enticing, don't you think?

7. I own my words not the references to Twilight, but I thank SM for allowing me to dirty up her characters.

Carry on…

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**Chapter 1 – First Time**

The first time we're watching a movie on the couch, spooning unlike any other day we hang out together. We like being close to each other.

On the screen, the actors touch. Hand on skin, fingers teasing and lips brushing. This is an action movie. It's not supposed to have scenes like this one. It's supposed to be safe, although we don't need it. It's not necessary for us to have to have "safe" movies.

Nevertheless, I'm aroused.

How can I not be? The male actor is very attractive – rippling muscles and sexy lips entice me. The female is attractive as well, but I'm not looking at her. More importantly, there's a warm body behind me, a male one.

I don't notice his rigidity until he begins to withdraw his hand from beneath the cage of my arm.

He accidentally brushes against my right breast as he extracts his hand.

I moan, and he stops.

His breath is hot and fast on my neck. I didn't notice it before. I know what it means, and I don't know what to do. This is not us. We don't get turned on by each other.

He exhales loudly and pulls my left hip against him with his left hand. The right is still frozen against my breast. He's hard. This is new; he's never been hard when we've lain like this.

He doesn't speak, but moans when I test what's going on by pushing my ass against him.

Forcefully.

Tantalizing.

He pushes back, and starts to grind against me.

He moans again and grinds faster. I know what I'm doing to him, for him. I want him to do the same for me.

I move his hand from my breast, and push it between my legs. He doesn't hesitate to push through the hem of my shorts and into my underwear. He knows things he shouldn't; he knows where to touch.

I moan his name. "Edward."

I do it because he needs to know that he's doing things to me. Making me feel things I never have before, not with him.

He says things I don't understand, things that make him grip my hip tighter, and his fingers move faster.

The feel of his tongue on my neck pushes me closer to where he wants. At least I think he wants me to come, to orgasm because of his efforts. That's what I want…for him.

"Please come…coming," he murmurs against my skin and grinds in jagged patterns. His fingers are rough against me and his sounds push me over the precipice.

I cry out as he shouts behind me.

His lips on my neck still shock me, even after what we've just done.

"Thank you," he whispers against my skin.

"You're welcome," I say. I'm not even sure what he's thanking me for, but he is welcome.

Anytime.

Those are the only words that we have for each other before we go back to watching the movie.

We don't talk about what we just did. We don't talk about the consequences of our actions.

It would kill the mood if we talked about my boyfriend, or his.

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**A/N: **Press the blue button, you know you want to...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Early update because I feel like it. A lot of you were wondering the same thing about chapter one. No, the last line was not a typo.

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**Chapter 2 – Second Time**

It's been two weeks since we did…what we did. We don't talk about it. We don't do heavy; it's not us. We have others for that. We hang with our group, but when it's only us, we just are.

We're not any different, at least not visibly. No one questions the changes that I imagine. I feel different around him, but I don't ask if he feels the same.

Today, we're studying. It was his idea. I'm meeting him at his house. No one is home. We like the quiet, the silence, the privacy.

The front door is open for me.

I walk in and he's nowhere in sight. I head up the stairs to his room.

I open the door. I don't notice the noises; I'm too much in my head.

There he is…in the bed on his back, hands in his boxers moving furiously. He's rough, punishing. His body is tense, edgy. He looks frustrated. On the television I see two men. That's what he likes, but something's wrong.

I feel like I'm intruding. I _am_ intruding; this is a private moment.

Our eyes connect, and his look is haunting. He pleads with me.

_He wants me to leave._

I turn. "No," he says. "Don't leave."

I wait for him to explain why my escape from the discomfort isn't for the best.

"It's not working. I need…I need more. I need you."

Anytime.

That's what I said to him last time – in my head – but it was still to him.

I remove my clothes; I want to be dressed like him.

I stand there, panties only…waiting.

"Come," he says, his free hand extended.

The other is slowed.

His body is relaxed; the tension and frustration are gone. I'm delighted.

He sits up, back against the headboard. I straddle him.

His hands go to my waist, and he pulls me against him…tight.

The look in his eyes makes me want to kiss him. I don't because we don't do that.

A voice in my head says we don't grind against each other either, but the ache between my legs can't hear that. He feels too good, hard and hot.

His mouth finds my breast; it's as good as a kiss anyway. I hold his head to my chest; he kisses them, sucks them, and licks them. My body is overheated, oversensitive, overloaded.

I'm wet…soaking. He groans.

His sounds own me; I move faster – he breathes harder.

"Close," he says.

He pinches my nipple and I scream.

"Come."

I try, but I need something…just a little more. His teeth find my shoulder and sink. I know I'll have to hide that, but I can't think about it now. It's enough, I succumb.

I still, and so does he. I want this feeling to last. It does, it washes over me in waves.

He holds me tight, arms wrapped around my back, head buried in my neck.

"Thank you," he says.

"You're welcome," I reply.

Anytime.

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**A/N:** As a child did you ever remember wondering, what does this button do? Press it, press it!

See you Friday...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Based on reader feedback, I thought I would let you know: This not a slash or poly fic. Thanks!

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**Chapter 3 – Kissing Time**

It's sunny outside. I'm washing the car. Peter usually does it, but he's away this weekend.

"Need some help?"

"Sure."

He takes a sponge and begins to wash.

We work in silence. I have no light conversation topics. They're all overloaded with angst.

I want to ask him what we're doing. What we've done. What it all means, but I know if I do, it becomes too real. I'll have to admit that I'm cheating on my boyfriend with my gay best friend. I'll need to admit my feelings for him have always been more. I'll have to admit I'm jealous of what he has with Riley.

A blast of cold water hits me.

I scream and try to escape the spray, but he's relentless.

"Stop!" I yell.

He doesn't.

"Get out of your head," he says. He's always been good at reading me. I stop fighting the water.

He's closer now. The water is gone.

He pushes a lock of wet hair from my face.

"We don't do heavy," he reminds me.

Fingers caress my face.

He's right, we don't. The way he's looking at me is too much. I push him and take off running around the car.

He catches me, we laugh and I love the lightness of it. It's us, the way we used to be.

But then he's kissing me. I'm not prepared for it. His kiss becomes more intense, willing me to react. I do, even if it takes me a couple seconds. I kiss him back and I put everything I have into it.

It's our first kiss, and it's happening in my driveway.

The driveway of the house my boyfriend helped me find.

He growls and breaks our kiss.

"Stop! Stop thinking about him! He's not here. I am." He's angry, and I can't understand why. He's the intruder in this part of my life, not Peter. It makes no sense.

I'm dragged into the house, and we bypass the living room and he takes me straight to my bedroom. The sounds of the door being slammed and locked are jarring. I'm out of my head now, and I'm completely with him.

He pulls my shirt from my body, and then my bra.

I'm naked from my waist up, and then so is he. "What are we doing?" I finally ask. "What are _you_ doing?"

"What needs to be done."

"And what's that?" He looks at me with eyebrows raised. His eyes ask if he really has to answer me. He doesn't.

I already know.

I need to feel him as much as I need to run away. It scares me.

I hanker for his closeness, but I fear it all the same. I'm afraid he'll finally get what he wants and the excitement and newness of it will wane. I'm afraid I'll crave him so much I'll lose myself, and then I'll lose him.

I'll lose everything.

Even knowing all of this, I don't stop him when his hands move to my shorts.

I don't stop him when he lays my naked body on the bed, then covers it with his own.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"You're welcome," I say.

Anytime.

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**A/N: **In case you missed it, I'm on twitter. Browns_TBG

Look at it...it's calling your name. "Click me," it says. "Browns needs some happy after a terrible work week. CLICK ME!"

Next update Sunday...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my beta Scorp112 because you're awesome like that and I'm gonna miss you. xoxox**

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**Chapter 4 – Persuasion Time**

I'm avoiding him.

He knows it, and it doesn't stop him from seeking me out every chance he gets.

He's being obvious, and Victoria notices.

"What's up with you and my brother?"

I don't answer her. I need time to digest the question. I'll look and sound guilty if I answer immediately, and she'll be suspicious if I don't respond. Damned if I do and…well you know.

"He pissed me off." It's the easiest answer, and it's not a lie.

"Bella, in seven years I've never seen you pissed off at Edward for more than two hours."

I try to level my breathing without taking visibly large gulps of air. She's right, in all the years we've been friends I've never ignored him. Not even when I first started dating Peter and he didn't understand my relationship with Edward. I didn't hesitate to tell him that my best friend since high school was gay. It took seeing Edward kiss another man for Peter to drop the jealously act.

"Well, I am."

"Come on, tell me what's really going on," she pries. She won't give up; it's not in her nature. I have to give her something or she'll keep digging.

Before I can respond, she's shut down…by him.

"Drop it, Vic." I didn't know he was so near. He's behind me, close enough for me to feel his breath.

She looks at both of us; first him, then me. She's satisfied with what she sees, and moves off in search of someone. Jasper, I suppose.

I begin to walk away, but he encircles my waist from behind.

At first I panic – everyone will see – but then I remember we've always been affectionate. No one would question him holding me this way. Not even our significant others.

"Stop running from me." His voice is harsh.

"I'm not running."

"Okay, stop avoiding me."

"I can't," I say. "It's too much." It really it is.

The guilt is slowly starting to suffocate me. Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined I would cheat on Peter, especially not with Edward. But I did. I am.

"We didn't cheat. We haven't had sex," he whispers.

_Always knowing what's in my head._

"We've done everything else. From the moment you intentionally pushed your cock against my ass, and I pushed back, it became cheating."

He pushes his pelvis against me in response. He's hard. He always is when he's around me now.

"And I don't want to stop." I push his arms away, angry. I spin around to look into his face.

This isn't the man that held me when my heart was broken five years ago. The man that threatened to break every bone in Paul's body for making me hurt.

"It's not the same," he says.

"It is. They'll still hurt when they find out what we've done. The longer we wait the worse it'll be." He pulls me into the shaded corner of the bar.

"Not what we've done, it's what we're doing. I'm not giving up," he says before kissing me. I struggle. We're in public; he shouldn't be doing this here. He shouldn't be doing it at all.

"They can't see us." I know they can't, but I'm still paranoid.

"I miss you," he says staggering the words between kisses.

He stops and looks at me. Really looks at me. "I miss this. I miss us."

His finger trails across my face.

"Don't take it from me. Please just a little longer." His words are softer, sweeter.

I'm breaking, he's breaking me. My resistance is almost at nil.

"Please," he whispers as his lips ghost against mine.

I nod. I have no arguments at the moment. They've all vanished.

"Thank you," he says.

"Anytime."

He smiles.

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**A/N: I'm in a funk because my beta is moving. She lives 20 mins from me, but now it's going to be hundreds of miles.**

**Press the big blue thing, send me some joy...**

**Twitter: Browns_TBG**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Realization Time**

I'm a cheater.

I know this now; I don't try to deny it. He knows it too.

The problem is we haven't stopped. No matter how intense the guilt, or how paranoid I've become at getting caught, I don't stop.

I have no one to talk to about this. Even though we're talking and recognizing what we're doing, I can't talk to him about the issues that weigh on my head. These aren't things I would ever discuss with him. I have someone else for that.

The problem is I can't divest to Victoria that I'm cheating on her boyfriend's brother.

She wouldn't take it well, and this secret would be out in a heartbeat. Victoria is known for being loyal and discreet, but she doesn't hide things from Jasper. While she's loyal to both Edward and me, we can't put her in that position.

So, we don't. I don't.

I hold it all in, rehearsing the speech I'll eventually deliver to Peter – in my head. It plays over and over, in different scenarios. None of them end well.

The front door opens and closes. It's him, I know.

Victoria is with Jasper at his and Edward's place. We've always alternated so they can have their private time and Edward doesn't have to hear his sister in the throes of passion with her man.

At least, that used to be the reason.

Now it's so Edward and I can have our own private time…to cheat. I dread the day they find out about us. It'll be on me. Our group has been together for years, even though Peter and I have only been together for the last two. We were all friends before. No one has any loyalties to Riley, only to Peter. So it'll all be on me.

I'm sitting on the couch in the dark living room when he enters. That's how I feel inside, dark.

He walks over and sits beside me, pulling me into his arms as he sighs. He kisses the top of my head, and I wonder why.

I do that now. I question everything he does. Are his actions that of a man falling in love or a man that loves his best friend?

I know he loves me. He has since the day we met.

What I don't know is the extent of what we're doing. When is it going to stop? When will he realize that he likes Riley more than he loves me? I know it's not just about sex, it's more. If it was just sex, he'd still be fucking his boyfriend.

He's not having sex with Riley.

I know because Riley called me asking what was wrong with him. I'm Edward's best friend; I'm supposed to know these things. He asked to talk to him…Edward. We've done this dance before. Riley and Edward have problems, and Riley comes to me. This time I can't help, I have no words of encouragement. So he talks more, he suspects that he's cheating, but doesn't see when he as the time. Outside of school, he's either with me or him, or both of us.

He has no time to cheat…except he does.

His free hand entwines with my fingers. I want to ask him where Riley is right now. What he's doing. I used to ask questions like that, but now I'm afraid.

Just like I'm afraid to ask what we're doing. I did before, and his answer was vague.

That's why I can't have intercourse with him. I need to know what we're doing first before I can take that step.

The heavy is weighing me down, and I know I can't hold it in much longer. We're going to change tonight. Everything is going to change, one way or another.

I shiver at the thought, and he removes the throw from the back of the couch and covers my legs.

"Thank you," I tell him.

"Anytime," he replies. Those are my words, his words, our words.

He squeezes me tighter.

"Ask," he says. He knows. He knows I'm gearing up for something big.

"Just ask."

So I do.

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**A/N**: **So people want to know what's going on in Edward's head. That's next chapter.**

**Feedback is important to me...so I'm changing my tactics. Next update will be posted when the story reaches 40 reviews. Based on the story stats...it's an attainable goal.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I have a banner now, thanks to vbfb19. Thank you for the pretty! Readers can find the link on my profile page.**

**This update brought to by the words, "Because I can..."**

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**Chapter 6 - Heavy Time**

"What are we doing?"

He removes his arm from my shoulders, and turns to me, taking both of my hands.

"We're cheating. We're having an affair." His eyes are sad, and they glisten with unshed tears. "Because our love is changing, it's becoming more."

"We have to tell them. It's not fair."

He sighs and looks at our hands. "I know, but I don't know what to say. I don't want them to think this is a phase for me."

"Is it?" I don't want to ask, but I have to since that's all I think about. If we do more, will he miss being with men?

He looks at me. He's shocked. "How can you ask me that?"

"How can I not? You're a gay man having sexual encounters with a woman. How can I not wonder if you're experimenting?"

"Obviously I'm not gay, Isabella. Does it feel like I'm experimenting when I spread your legs and lick you dry? How about when my tongue or fingers are inside you? What about when I try to suffocate myself with your breasts?"

I'm flushed. I want him to do those things now.

"No, it doesn't, but I had to ask." His thumb begins to draw circles in my palm. He's always done this, but it means something different now. He does this when he wants me...that way.

I need to distract him. I can't let him cloud my mind with these feelings when he's finally talking.

"Riley called me." He lets go of my hand. He's frustrated, probably wondering why I've chosen now to tell him.

"I knew he would."

"Why didn't you warn me?"

"Because I know you can handle him."

"He says you're pulling away."

"I am." He picks at his finger nails. It's one of his nervous habits. That and the hand in the hair, which oddly enough he hasn't done yet, but his actions say he wants to be done with this conversation.

"He thinks you're cheating."

"I'm doing that, too." He's looking at me now.

"We have to tell them."

"How?" There's anger in his voice. Anger and fear. "Riley will be fine...eventually. He's strong. He already suspects there's a problem and he's preparing for the worse, even if he doesn't know it's you. He knows I want…need someone else. We've only been together for six months. But how am I supposed to tell Peter? He's not expecting this. The last time I saw him, he was obliviously happy with you by his side. We've been friends for as long as you two have been a couple, maybe even before. How am I supposed to tell him that I've been touching his girl? How am I supposed to tell him all I can think about is being inside the woman he loves? That I crave her touch the same way he does? How?" He crumbles before me.

He's still angry, but it's at himself. I hold him, preoccupied with what he said about Riley. I've been jealous of him; I thought they were in love, but Edward's words tell another story.

"We're going to destroy him, Bella. I know we have to tell him, but I can't think about it now. Just…just give me this time, a week…" He sees something on my face. "Tonight…give us tonight."

He kisses me with desperation. It's pleading. If I could see his eyes, I know it would have the same look from the second time we did this.

What we're doing has a name now; he said it.

We're having an affair.

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**A/N: There it is for those of you that wanted into Edward's head. **

**Next update soonish. Oh and one more thing, reviews may get you teasers.**

**See you soon...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Welcome new readers! This one is short, but the next will be better.**

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**Chapter 7 - Sexy Time**

He's furious in the removal of my clothes. I'm naked before him in a matter of minutes. His eyes devour me. We're still in the dark; there are flashes from the television.

He turned it on earlier.

He likes white noise, mostly when he's sleeping, but silence in general bothers him. This is where we differ. I like it dark and quiet. He likes it light and noisy. We compromise for each other. Darkness with noise is okay. With him it's all good.

He's naked now and making his way up my body. Tonight is different. I know what he wants, but I pretend I don't.

He has to say it, has to ask for it. We've conquered the heavy. We're not avoiding words anymore.

He opens my thighs and settles between them.

I feel him against me. He's hard, his skin is on fire.

I want what he wants, but I won't give into his looks and attempts at charm. He has to ask.

I pull the throw over his bare ass, because it's the nice thing to do. I'm…he kisses me again, cutting off my thoughts. He grinds against me. I get him wet and slippery. He moans.

"I want it tonight."

"Want what?" I ask with a good imitation of being puzzled.

He smiles…smirks. He knows what I'm doing. He knows he has to say the words.

"I want to put this…" He presses his erection against me. "…inside you. I want to push it in and pull it out, over and over again until you scream my name and come hard, multiple times if I can make it happen. I want to do it hard and I want to do it fast. I want to fuck you, Isabella. I want to put a piece of me in you. May I?"

His words leave me speechless. He's said so much tonight and it's usually not like him to be so talkative. That's my job, but as I've said before, tonight is different. He's changing. I'm changing. Our love is changing.

"Yes, you may."

"Thank you." Always so polite.

"Anytime."

I expect him to push inside me immediately upon being granted entrance. He doesn't.

Instead, his lips find my breasts. He loves them. For a man who, up until two months ago, has only had sexual experiences with men, he has an unhealthy fascination with my breasts. Actually, I wouldn't call it unhealthy, just borderline obsessive.

He licks, kisses, sucks and pinches them. It's driving me insane.

"Edward, please." He smiles against my left breast then bites it and squeezes the right one before releasing them both.

He looks up at me, brilliant smile in place. I've said the magic word.

To drive home my point, I remind him. "We've been having foreplay for the last six weeks. I don't need anymore, I'm ready."

I've waited long enough.

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**A/N: Any thoughts? Want a teaser? You know what to do...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: If I haven't told you yet, you should all be thanking Scorp112 for this story. This is the last of the original pre-written chapters that I sent her and she screamed for more. She's the reason why I not only kept writing, but also posted the first chapter. **

**As always, Scorp thank you for being not just my beta, but a cherished friend. ILY, chica!**

**SM owns all, I just make her characters do very bad bad things.**

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**Chapter 8 – More Sexy Time**

"Okay, Isabella." He kisses me again with even more force.

Isabella. It's his term of endearment for me. Before this, I was only Bella. He's never called me by my extended name…until now. It started three weeks ago, after our first kiss in my driveway.

I feel him at my entrance, he pushes in…slowly moaning as he does. Then he withdraws just as slow, and pushes in again at the same pace. He promised me hard and fast. And damn it I want that.

I push back, trying to speed his movements along.

"Patience, Isabella."

"Give me what you promised."

"Okay," he says with a grin, ramming into me with excessive force. It's punishing, debilitating and I want more.

He gives it to me. He gives me exactly what I asked for, fast hard thrusts.

I cry out from the pain, and pleasure of it all. He does it again and again. I feel so much. Peter never fucks me like this. He's gentle and loving…sweet.

Thinking of Peter brings back the feelings of guilt.

"No!" he yells punctuated with a thrust. "Be here…with me. You agreed…to give me tonight. You agreed to be mine for at least tonight. It's mine."

He's right.

"Yes, I did. Tonight belongs to you."

I place my focus back on him and the things he's doing to my body. It's euphoric, the way he manipulates my nerve endings. Stretching them, squeezing them, pinching them, kissing them, licking them and sucking them. He does so much.

All too soon I feel the familiar tightening, and clench. I don't want to give in; our night will be over too soon.

"Yes. I feel you. Come for me, Isabella." He groans and places his head in the crook of my neck. "Don't hold back. I'm not done with you yet, but I need to feel you now. I need to feel you taking the piece of me that I give so freely."

I clench again, he groans. I'm lost.

I float in the exhilarating feelings he's invoked in me. I fly high and hold him tightly with every muscle in my body.

My tongue punishes his for being inattentive.

He growls. It's feral…delicious.

"No! I'm not ready to come yet," he says. As if he has a choice. I'm not giving him one.

We can carry on all night if he wants, but right now, his pleasure is mine, and I will take it.

I massage him, clenching my walls until he no longer fights what I'm trying to give him. He's invigorated as he chases his orgasm.

He's close, I know. So I help him the best way I know how.

My hand descends. My finger pushes; he reacts with surprise, but I don't stop.

I need him to know that Riley isn't the only one that knows how to make him feel good.

I find what I'm looking for, and I add pressure, before massaging, the way he massages me.

"Oh mother of fuck!" he screams his movements erratic. I'm sure the neighbors have heard him. "Don't fucking stop! Ahhh…" His words become unintelligible after that, but they're loud.

He stills, pressed forward…pulsing into me. It feels so good. It makes me orgasm. Again.

"This can't be real," he says. I squeeze to let him know it is...this is real.

He's loose, and free on top of me. I wonder if I'm the best he's ever had.

The best woman for sure. _The only woman._

"I've never felt anything like that before," he says answering my unvoiced question.

"But…you're…you've…" It's doesn't make sense.

He's been with men.

"I've only topped." I don't understand. I wait for him to explain further. "I'm an ass virgin."

I laugh. "So, I just popped your cherry?"

"Yeah, you did, and I wouldn't have had it any other way." He looks into my eyes as he says this and kisses me softly. "I've wanted this for so long. You have no idea."

"Do tell, oh brother of mine. How long have you wanted to fuck our dear sweet Bella?"

_Victoria! _ He groans.

"But please, before you answer. Do pull your cock out of Bella and cover your ass. This is more traumatizing than the first time I caught you jerking off to gay porn."

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**A/N: Welcome new readers! Thank you to everyone that has been pimping Anytime.**

**So...thoughts? I'll give you a lollipop...I mean teaser.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Welcome new readers! I even saw at least one reader from my home country. It made me smile. If you are wondering which country, my avi has all three colors of the flag, but one of the colors is a little lighter than the flag. Care to guess? Scorp and Ang, keep you mouths shut! Although, there are so many clues on my twitter page. *grins***

**Another short one, but...it says a lot.**

**SM owns all and Scorp is awesome...**

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**Chapter 9 – Reality Time**

He grabs the throw which has fallen to the ground and quickly covers us. He doesn't pull out, and it's beyond awkward.

I hide my enflamed face in the crook of his neck. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so many things that I can never name.

I look over Edward's shoulder. Victoria leans against the doorway. She's comfortable; she has no intention of moving any time soon. He looks back and sees her.

She smirks at him.

"Can we have a little privacy here, Vic?"

"I'm kind of enjoying the show, Eddie." He hates that nickname, and she knows. She's goading him. She wants him to be agitated. It's working.

"I don't feel like being gawked at like a circus freak, Vicky." She hates being called Vicky, too. This is usually the part where they begin bickering.

"If you wanted privacy, you should have taken this…whatever this is to Bella's room. As it is, this is a common living area of my dwelling."

This is not happening.

"Last time I checked, this was Bella's house too and I stopped counting the number of times I've walked in on you and Jasper fucking in many of the common areas of my house."

No.

They can't do this now. I'm naked, under a naked man, and he's having a sibling squabble with his sister.

"Well, little brother, Jasper and I are a couple. I know Bella's one half of a couple, but I don't recall you being the other half."

There it is. We've all been thinking it, but she actually says it. Edward hisses in my ear, and I realize he's slipped out of me, and by his sounds it's not intentional…unplanned.

Victoria's either oblivious to this, or she's too absorbed in her tirade to care.

"Plus, I'm pretty sure I remember you telling the family you were gay when you turned sixteen." She laughs. "You do know she has a kitty instead of a sausage, right?

He's rigid.

"That's enough, Victoria! Leave!" he yells this time. My ears are ringing.

He shifts the throw to cover me as he moves to stand or sit…I don't know which. She sees too late, or maybe not.

She's moving now while screaming, "No! I don't want to see your flaccid dick."

Edward's sitting up, but I'm covered. His hands move to his hair. "Isabella, I'm sorry."

_Baby, I'm sorry._

"I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have done this here." He reaches for me. Caressing my hair as he always does, and that's when I see him.

Jasper.

My boyfriend's brother is standing in the corner. It's still dark, which is why I didn't see him before. I wonder how long he's been standing there. How much has he seen? How much has he heard?

"Jasper," I whisper.

He emerges from his hiding place.

"You should both get dressed, we need to talk."

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**Next update Sunday/Monday-ish...review for teaser policy is still in place. FYI, if you have PMs disabled I can't respond to your review or send you the teasers.**

**Twitter: Browns_TBG**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Once again, welcome new readers! **

**This is the longest chapter so far. I know some of you are upset with Edward. I mean, the man is gay and screwing his friend's girl. However, in his defense...Chapter 10.**

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**Chapter 10 – Facing the Music Time**

We sit side by side like children waiting to be scolded by their parents. These consequences are going to be more than scolding.

We're going to lose people we care about, at least one each…maybe more.

I'm not ready for this.

Jasper looks stressed. Victoria looks…like Victoria. She loves this, she revels in our discomfort. It pisses me off even more than being caught.

"What are you doing here, Victoria?"

"Investigating." Her gloating tone from earlier is lighter, replaced with a strong hint of vagueness.

"Investigating what?"

"You and Edward, of course." She has more to say, and for once I hope she'll keep talking. "I told Jasper three weeks ago that you two were either fucking, or about to fuck. Either way I told him you were no longer _just friends_. He didn't want to believe me. Didn't want to think that you could betray his brother or that mine could do something as stupid as play games with your lives."

Edward tenses. All I can think about is three weeks ago. What happened to put us on her radar?

_The bar…she went in search of Jasper…and told him? We were that obvious? How has Peter or Riley not noticed yet?_

"It's not a game," Edward replies, his hands clenching into fits. He predicted this assumption, so he's calm in his response. Maybe he's been practicing for this too.

Jasper speaks for the first time since we've entered the room. "What do you call it? You're gay. When I met your sister, she introduced you to me as her gay brother, and now you're having sex with my brother's girlfriend. They've been together for two years. He loves her and you're using your hold over her to experiment. How is that not a game?"

I want to argue with that, but he's right. Edward does have a hold over me. It's even stronger than ever now since we've shared so much more.

"It's not a game because she was mine first. It's not a game because there is nothing about what we do that's experimenting. It's not a game because I'm not gay." His words are acidic and they shock me.

_Mine first? What does that mean?_

"In the four years since I've known you, you've been gay. You've only been with men. When did that change?" The anger in Jasper's voice is now concern, but there's still agitation. Yes, Peter is his brother, but he's also thought of Edward as one, too. He joined our group right after high school; they grew close.

He's torn, and that's why I didn't want him to know.

"It changed the night I brushed my hand against Bella's breast and got an erection."

They gasp.

I'm not surprised he tells them. He's always been quiet, yet blunt. When you can get your point across in the least amount of words, why not go for it?

"I'm not gay; I just like sex." Victoria starts to speak, but he continues. I know what she was going to say. That what we're doing is just about sex. She wants to find a reason for us to stop this, she doesn't want Peter hurt, but our feelings seem to be expendable.

I'm glad he doesn't let her say it because even though he's already told me we're more than sex, my insecurity is still prominent.

"I had my first sexual experience when I was thirteen with a boy at summer camp. It felt good, and I wanted more, so I got it. After that, girls didn't interest me. They talked too much, and wanted ridiculous things. I didn't even bother to try. In high school, I was always surrounded by other boys because of the teams I played on, and there was always one that wanted to make me feel good. Then she came."

He looks to me, and kisses me, unashamed of our company.

"She didn't talk endlessly about unimportant things, and all she cared about was laughing – having fun. I found myself wanting to be around her all the time. So I did. I made her my friend…my best friend. She supported me in everything I did, and I let her cry on my shoulder when she was hurt. The assholes in her life came and went, but I was always there. She became mine."

I've never heard this before.

I moved at age sixteen to a new school. He was the first person to introduce himself to me. Before him, I felt like the new kid. No one approached me. I was so taken with him. He was gorgeous and didn't hide his interest in only wanting to be with other boys. No one chastised him for it; if anything, they celebrated him and his openness. I was the only girl he smiled at, and wanted to be around. I wanted more from him, but he never showed that type of interest. I took what I could get - friendship. I turned my sexual attention elsewhere because he was unavailable.

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**A/N: My kid is graduating from 5th grade this week, so between ceremony, celebration, "you're all kinds of awesome, kid," time and a little work thrown in for good measure, I'll be tons of busy. So on that note, n****ext update may not be until Friday or Sunday. I made sure not to leave things on a cliffie...sort of.**

******The alerts are blowing up my inbox...sure wish it was reviews instead. *pouts* Nonetheless, reviews get you teasers.**

******~Browns**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I have a few PSAs this time:**

**1. T****hank you to my beta, Scorp112 for not only editing my work, but following up to make sure I post the correct file...oops. I blame it on the insanity that is my RL.**

**2. Much love to 2loveybunnies for the ADF campfire rec...Mwah! **

**3. Also, thanks to Maplestyle for letting me know why my mailbox was suddenly overflowing with alerts.**

**4. Some of you are reviewing, but I can't send you the teaser because you have PMs deactivated. I keep trying, though. Just wanted to reiterate that just in case you're calling me every bad name in the book in your head. **

**5. SM owns all, except the ways that I manipulate her characters into doing bad bad things.**

**And now...more explanations...**

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**Chapter 11 – Explanation Time**

"Are you trying to tell me that you've wanted Bella all this time, but you just sat by and watched my brother fall in love with her and you didn't say a word? It didn't bother you at all, so you just let it go?" Edward's words are blowing Jasper's mind.

He's not the only one.

I want to know the answer to this question, too. I've learned so much over the last two days about Edward. I thought I knew him, knew his thoughts.

I've been so wrong.

"No…yes." He's frustrated, and obviously unnerved.

Jasper has a way of doing that to people. He'll be a great lawyer.

"I don't know. I just know that until six weeks ago, I was gay…or at least I thought I was. I was happy with my life, and then the movie night happened. I've had strong feelings for Bella since the moment I met her. My mind was all so jumbled back then, because I had only been attracted to men. I didn't think my feelings could be more…mean more until …the night…until I… Look, I may have been confused before, but I'm not now. I want to be with Bella. That first night we—"

Victoria clears her throat. "I don't want to hear about the first time you had sex with my roommate, Edward."

I look to her. She thinks we've been having sex all this time. She doesn't know…

"It was just once," he says. He looks down. He seems regretful…embarrassed, but he says his next words so wistfully. I know I have nothing to worry about. "Tonight was the first time."

"Well, that sucks! It's like being caught by your parents the first time." Everyone ignores her.

"So, nothing's happened over the last few weeks?" Jasper sounds hopeful. Like us being together just once will make this any better.

It won't. It's all the same. We've cheated.

"No, we…did things. Tonight was just…different," I tell them. I'm not as blunt as Edward. I can't tell them that we've only given each other hand jobs. That he's licked and sucked me in all the right places.

And let's not forget the dry humping – that's how this whole relationship got started.

If they ask any more questions they'll get the humiliating details about that and other things.

It's embarrassing enough that I am too self-conscious to put my mouth on him. I feel he'll be disappointed in me…my skills. Riley hasn't been shy in telling me that he's good at giving head and Edward has been getting it from him up until six weeks ago. I'm worried I won't compare. That eventually he'll know that I can't do it as well as Riley – or any guy. Victoria and Jasper don't need to know all about my inadequacies as well.

"I've heard enough," Jasper says.

_Oh, thank god._

"You need to tell my brother…and Riley."

Edward's boyfriend is an afterthought. I almost feel sorrier for him than my own, though I know Peter will be completely shattered. Riley has always been the outsider of our group. Once he's no longer with Edward, there will be no reason for his presence. He'll lose his friends, too.

"I won't do it for you, but I won't keep your secret either. If they catch you together…in the act like we did…it'll hurt them more." He turns to me, most likely to tell me what I already know. "Peter won't take this well, Bella. You need to be prepared for yelling and a possible physical altercation if Edward's around. Don't worry, he'd never put his hands on a woman. Our mama taught him better than that, and I'd kick his ass."

I already know this. I know Peter. We all do. He's quiet and easy going until provoked. This will most definitely incite him into acting unlike the man we all know.

Jasper stands. He's finally leaving, but I can't find it in me to be happy.

I stand as well.

I always hug him goodbye.

He won't want me near him now.

I have to show him that I still respect and care for him, even if he's ultimately disappointed in me. He's been like a brother to me, and Victoria, like my sister. I don't want them to view me in a bad light.

_It's too late for that._

He raises his hand and waves, even though we're within four feet of each other. "We'll talk after you've talked to my brother, Bella."

I nod.

He wants nothing to do with me until I've come clean with Peter.

I notice Victoria whispering in Edward's ear. He's nodding. His face is neutral, but I doubt she's telling him something pleasant.

He smiles and nods again_. Or is she?_

She kisses him on the cheek and looks at me.

It's my turn.

She hugs me, and the whispering begins.

"He's torn, but I've never seen him happier than he's been these last few weeks. Work your shit out, so you can get to the good stuff." This is where Edward gets his bluntness. "I love you, Bella, and so does Jasper. Just give him time."

When they're gone, I expect Edward to pull away from me. It's been a very emotional night.

He takes my hand and touches my face.

I can see it. He wants to talk.

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**A/N: My girl got the book worm award at graduation...go figure. :-D She was upset she didn't win the creative writing award. :-( Oh well, now that we have that out of the way...I can write and update and all that jazz.**

**Next update Tuesday, or something like that. Oh, if you haven't noticed, your reviews entice me to update sooner...js.**

******Reviews get sneak peeks...**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Early update because you still can't update from mobile FF and my boss will be up my ass all day tomorrow.**

**I own nothing, except their actions and words.**

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**Chapter 12 - Talking Time**

I wait for him to speak. I don't really have anything to say. I'm still trying to digest what has happened tonight.

I can tell by his face that he has so much to say, but he's quiet. Maybe, like me, he doesn't know where to start.

I wait until I cannot take it anymore. I am forced to speak.

"They had a lot to say."

"Yes, they did."

"Most of what they said was right."

"It was."

His clipped responses tell me everything he needs. My presence is required, but my silence is wanted until he's ready to speak.

To deal with what happened tonight.

He turns on the television, and puts it on a random channel for background noise.

The lights remain off, and I know he is still with me.

We sit apart, until I feel his hand graze my own. He grabs it, pulling me into his side. A kiss is pressed against my forehead.

"Thank you for giving me what I need, when I need it. I don't even have to say the words. You just always know."

He's ready to talk.

"You get me, too." I point to the lights and he nods.

"I have a difficult question to ask you. I've been avoiding it, but I need to know."

I tell him to go ahead. I'm ready to answer any question he has for me.

"You know I haven't been with Riley since that night. Have you…" He sighs. "Have you done things with Peter since?"

Except that one. I'm not ready for that one.

I pull my hand from his. I don't know how to tell him. The shocked look on his face tells me he didn't expect this.

"Y-you…shit." He runs his hand through his hair, he gets up and paces. "When? How many times? I thought...fuck...please tell me." He can't even look at me anymore.

I swallow and close my eyes, trying to center myself before I answer him. "Once. It happened the night he came back from Canada." Five nights before Edward cornered me at the bar.

"The week you avoided me. I should have known there was more to it." His voice is somber; I've hurt him. I can see it in his eyes which are now focused on me.

"I was confused about us. He said he wanted to be close to me. He said I've been distant. I thought if I gave him what he wanted; it would prove I could stop what was happening with you. I tried…I really tried. I let him touch me, kiss me, and do other things, but I couldn't go through with it. I felt like I was betraying you." I laugh. "How ridiculous is that? I couldn't be with my boyfriend because it would have been like cheating on my secret lover."

His shoulders relax, the fear drains from his eyes. "I understand. I tried to do the same thing with the porn and it only made me even more confused."

He continues as if I didn't just tell him I almost slept with Peter. I know we'll be back to this, but it's on the back-burner for now. Edward has other things on his mind.

"Vic said she'll talk Jasper into giving us at least a week to work this out between us. We need to figure out what we really want out of this, Bella. We're about to hurt a lot of people; the least we could do is make sure this is worth it." He turns to me. "What do you want from this? You heard what I said tonight. I've always had feelings for you; I just didn't know what they meant until recently. What I don't know is how do you feel about me?"

How do I tell him that I've always been attracted to him? That every man I've ever been with has been compared to him and his ability to make me laugh and happy. I don't know how to put it all into conversational words, so I give him my thoughts. I tell him all my hopes, and all my fears.

When I'm done, he holds me tight.

"You'll never lose me, Isabella. I can't picture my life without you in it. I also can't picture myself with anyone but you." I'm flustered; he makes me feel so many things with his words. "I know I already claimed you as mine tonight, but I need to know what you want. Once we take this step there's no going back. Do you want to be mine, Isabella?"

_Isabella._

I don't hesitate to answer. "Yes."

"Good." He smiles. "I'm tired; let's go to bed."

This will be the first time we've actually slept in a bed together. I never thought it was a good idea. In the beginning, I used our parents not understanding as an excuse. As we got older, I found other reasons. He accepted them and we've always occupied in the guest rooms at each other's dwellings.

We climb the stairs to the second floor. I pull him towards my door.

"No," he says. "Not there. You've fucked another man in that bed, and God knows what else. I can't."

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**A/N: My busy time for work is coming up next week. I only have four more pre-written chapters after this one. One of two things can happen, I can keep posting every 2-4 days, or I can slow down to 1x/week to get some writing done. You decide...**

**The usual rules apply. Thanks for reading**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Well, most people said post what I have they'll made for the next, or it's my chose. So here it is...Happy Friday.**

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**Chapter 13 - Love Time**

He holds me tight. We've been like this for two hours. Just cuddling, just being.

His words about my bedroom has me thinking. I look around the guest room; it's larger than mine. I originally chose my bedroom because of the color and a rear facing window. The window at Charlie's house is front facing, and I wanted a change.

"What are you thinking?"

"That I could turn this into my bedroom, that way I wouldn't have to sleep in my underwear the next time we do this."

"Glad to know you're thinking about next time." I hear the smile in his voice. "I like you in your underwear. Besides, does this really count as underwear?" He fiddles with my tank top, caressing my exposed skin.

The feel of his hands makes me warmer.

"Why have we never done this before? Best friends sleep together all the time," he asks kissing my neck.

"I had to draw the line somewhere or I would have jumped you right around senior year of high school. Then you really would have been confused."

He laughs and buries his face into my neck.

"You smell so good. I've always loved your smell."

His hands ascend and I know exactly where they're going.

"Why are you so obsessed with my breasts?" I ask with a smile on my face. I turn my head to look at him.

"Touching them turns me on, which turns you on, and that leads sexual gratification. I like sexual gratification." He grins, and then his face becomes serious. "Does that feel good, Isabella? Do you like my hands on your breasts?"

I pull him in for a kiss, moaning as he tweaks my nipples. It's all hands then, touching as if we've never touched before. It's frantic, I missed this, even though it's been hours, not days.

Then I realize, I want this to last.

All of it.

_I'll think about that tomorrow. Right now..._

I modify my roaming hands, and he follows.

We're slow in our movements. Savoring.

We take our time and appreciate each other. There will be no more interruptions tonight. Victoria and Jasper are long gone, and they won't be back. They've said their peace.

Peter is away on business; he travels a lot.

Riley is off doing whatever he does when Edward and I hang out together. To my knowledge, Riley's never offered details, Edward has never inquired, and I've never had an interest to know.

Tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, we'll have to tell our significant others what we've done. What we're doing. We won't last an entire week; the guilt is too much.

I don't know how, but our clothes are gone. I think it had something to do with Edward touching my breasts.

Edward is behind me, squeezing and pinching my breasts.

My hand reaches back, knotting my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. He lavishes my own neck with his mouth. I don't worry about the marks being made on my body. I want him to stake his claim.

We won't be a secret much longer.

"May I," he whispers, and I know what he's asking for…what he wants to do.

He wants to put a piece of him inside of me. I nod in acquiescence and he enters me slowly. Just like before. He moves within me, and I no longer want hard and fast.

Slow is good. It's intense, and it's us.

Our moans and groans mingle as one. I want this feeling to last. I want this moment frozen in time.

He withdraws. Suddenly.

I begin to protest, but then he speaks.

"Turn around."

I do. I will do what he tells me every time.

Anytime.

I like being able to face him. I kiss him. It's not as rough as our kisses earlier in the night.

It's soft. Sensual.

He lifts my leg over his hip and enters me again. His face returns to my neck.

Kissing, nibbling, licking and sucking. It feels so good.

"Ride me," he mumbles as he pivots, positioning me above him.

I comply.

I begin slowly, taking my cues from the sounds he makes. He groans and grips my hips. His thrusts are shallow and twice the speed of mine. It's as if he wants to stay inside of me…permanently. I wouldn't mind if he did.

He pulls my upper body to him, turning his attention back to my breasts.

He worships them.

"You're the only person that's ever been in my bed." His words confuse me; I don't understand what that has to do with now.

I push the thought out of my head, and try to match his speed. Soon I feel the tingle. It will build into an explosion. I'm invigorated. I want it.

All thoughts of freezing the moment are lost.

His grip is tighter; I'm not even sure how that is possible. He's been hanging on for dear life all night.

"Oh Bella…I…can feel you…not yet."

In a flash, I'm on my back. We're still joined, my legs over his forearms. He's so deep.

"I like you like this, on your back for me to do with you as I please."

He's said those words before. After the first time we kissed. It is then that I realize what he's doing.

He's recreating every encounter we had before this night.

He began with him spooning behind me, like the night on my couch. Then, the time I rode him in his room as he explored my breasts. And finally the first time we kissed.

We did so much that day.

It made me avoid him.

I won't do that this time. I'm not afraid of my feelings, of the things that are happening between us. I'm not afraid of what we have to face.

I think we're in this together now.

"Oh god…Bella, I love you. I love you so much. I've never felt anything like this."

Yes, we are. We're in this together.

"I love you, too."

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**A/N: Well? What'd you think? **

**Hey, did you see they made it easier? You only have to push one button now to reach out to me...blow up my inbox, please. I need some happy today.**

**See you soon!**

**~B**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry I didn't respond to any reviews this weekend, I've been doing chores that will otherwise be neglected this week and the next. I'll get to them when I can.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 14 - Dinner Time**

It's Sunday, which means Sunday dinner at the Cullens.

Every Sunday, Victoria, Edward and I have dinner with their parents. The tradition started years ago in high school. My dad is good man, and chooses to work the weekends so his officers can spend time with their families. Esme, Edward's mom, suggested I have dinner with them while he worked.

I've been eating Sunday dinner with the Cullens ever since.

Now we bring others, the significant other people in our lives. I've only ever brought Peter and Paul. Edward…he's brought more than one, but they never last longer than four months. Riley has lasted the longest. Six months is a long time for Edward.

It's Sunday. Peter will be going to dinner with me; he's driving straight from the airport to the Cullen's house. Riley will be coming with Edward.

I pace my living room waiting for Victoria and Jasper. They've volunteered to drive me.

There's a knock at the door, and I rush to open it.

It's Edward.

"What are you doing here?"

He frowns. "I'm here to drive you to Forks for dinner."

"Why? Victoria said she would come get me."

"I told her I would get you. We can drive down together."

"But Riley—" I don't get to finish. He cuts me off quickly.

"He's driving himself!" He's angry. "Can we just go? I'll explain later."

The drive to Forks is silent. We stop at the station to see my dad. I always do that; I don't even have to tell Edward to stop, he just does. Peter usually needs reminding.

My father looks at us with inquisitive eyes, but says nothing. He hugs me goodbye and makes me promise to visit the house before leaving town.

He wants to talk to me at home he says.

* * *

"Bella, darling!" Esme is sweet; she's been like a mother to me since Renee died.

"My lovely boy, Riley's already here. He's with the others in the den." I don't miss Edward's discomfort at the mention of Riley, and neither does Esme.

I know Peter's not here yet; his car is not outside.

I'm not looking forward to this dinner. It will be the first weekend that we have to interact with both Riley and Peter. One or the other has been absent from Sunday dinner since our affair began.

Riley frowns when Edward and I enter the den.

"I didn't expect you to be here," Edward says to Riley. _I thought he told me Riley would drive himself, not that he wasn't showing up at all. Maybe, I misheard?_

"I changed my mind." Edward nods.

"Dinner is ready, and look who has joined us."

I don't have to look; I know it's Peter.

He waits for me at the door. He draws me into a hug, pecking my lips before releasing me. Edward passes us on the way out, nodding his head in greeting to Peter. His eyes are dark as they connect with mine.

We enter the dining room and take our seats. Edward doesn't hide his eagerness to take a seat beside me. The table seats eight. Esme and Carlisle sit at the ends, leaving three seats on each side. Usually the couples fight to sit together.

Not today.

Peter's on my left, and he immediately grabs my hand. Edward clasps his hand onto my right thigh beneath the table. I feel like this is a tug of war and I'm in the middle. Problem is only one of the players knows why they're tugging.

Dinner is…uncomfortable. I've convinced Peter my left hand is needed for eating my dinner. He's bashful when Carlisle teases him about absence and the heart. Edward's hold on my thigh tightens. No one questions why his left hand is out of sight. There is tension, which is expected, but it all seems to be simmering between Edward and Riley.

At some point during a lull in the dinner conversation, Edward jumps from his chair, releasing my thigh.

"What the fuck, Riley?"

"Edward, language!" Esme exclaims, but he ignores her.

"What makes you think rubbing your fucking foot against my crotch is going to change anything? I said I'll talk when I'm ready to fucking talk. Why are you in such a rush to hear something you already know?"

He looks to me; Peter has his arm around my shoulder as if he needs to protect me. Edward growls the words I've dreaded for weeks.

"This shit ends tonight!"

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**A/N: Next three chapters are already written. They'll be posted Friday, Tuesday, and then the following Saturday. That's three days between each post. Hopefully, there won't be a long wait for chapter 18. However, I can't promise anything beyond what's outlined above.**

**I thank you for your patience. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**~B**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hi...Happy Friday! Not for me, but I hope for you...**

**S/O to my beta Scorp112, it was wonderful seeing you on the 4th, chica! Can't wait for my visit up-upstate...lol.**

**I own nothing but what's about to go down here...enjoy.**

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**Chapter 15 – Truth Time**

Everyone looks at him in confusion, with the exception of Victoria and Jasper. Victoria smiles, while Jasper's face remains neutral.

"What ends tonight?" Peter asks, puzzled by everything.

"I…we…Bella and I have something to tell you. All of you."

_All of them? _He can't possibly mean that. My eyes plead with him. Isn't one embarrassing night enough?

"They all need to know." I look to Jasper for help; he simply shrugs. He's deferred this to us now. He doesn't care how it happens, just as long as it gets done.

It's Victoria that comes to my rescue. "Edward, I think whatever you have to tell us can wait."

"No, it can't. I can't live this lie anymore." He's tense and vibrating with a type of energy I've never seen before. He's determined for our secret to be out today. Just yesterday he was dreading this as much as I do. I don't understand his insistence for it to come out today.

Riley is silent, but by the look on his face…the way he looks at me, I think he knows something.

"And no one is asking you to, baby brother. Just maybe you should try doing it in groups – friends and then family?"

"Fine. Peter and Riley, meet us in the den?" He's abrupt and I hope this isn't the tone he takes when we tell them we're having an affair.

He grabs my hand, pulling me from under Peter's arm. He clasps our fingers together indicating he has no intention of allowing Peter to pull me back.

"Edward," I whisper, trying to get his attention as he drags me out of the dining room and along the hallway.

He whispers harshly, "No, I will not let you stop me from doing this." The grip on my hand tightens. "I will not sit by at another Sunday dinner, or night at the bar, while he holds your hand in public and I can only touch you where no one else can see. You can't ask me to do that. What if it was you? What if Riley and I had been together as long as you and Peter? What if we were the ones everyone was waiting to be married? Did you hear them tonight? That's what they're expecting. I had to listen to my parents praise another man for touching the woman I love. Would you be okay with Riley touching me, knowing all that we are together?"

He's right. I'd die a little inside.

I don't answer. I know Peter and Riley are now close enough to hear. He doesn't expect my answer anyway. He already knows it.

"Edward, what's so important you had to interrupt the first home cooked meal I've had in weeks?" Peter asks as he sits. Riley tries to squeeze himself next to Edward on the love seat that we occupy.

_What is he thinking?_

"Sit somewhere else, Riley," Edward says. His tone is still harsh. I wonder why he's being so abrupt with him. It started before he came to get me for dinner. I know Edward will eventually tell me. It's my hope that he thinks we're okay with the heavy now. He can tell me everything and anything.

Anytime.

Riley sits on the other side of the room, crossing his arms across his chest. He glares at me.

"Is someone going to tell me what this is about?" Peter asks again.

Edward's head is down, he's pinching the bridge of his nose. It's obvious he's not ready to speak, but he brought us all here, so someone has to say it. I start to open my mouth; I'm not sure what to say.

Riley beats me to it.

"He's leaving me and she knows all about it. As always, she's protecting Edward and his secrets."

_That's what he thinks this is about?_

I've never been the holder of Edward's secrets. I know that now because of everything I've learned recently.

"Well, I don't know what that has—" Edward cuts Peter off from finishing. He was going to say 'to do with me.' Little does he know it has everything to do with him.

"Bella and I love each other." No one says anything. They look at him with "no duh" expressions. It takes him a while to realize us loving each other isn't big news.

He clarifies, "Bella and I are _in _love with each other. We've been having an affair."

And then the uproar that he's been waiting for begins.

"WHAT THE FUCK? YOU'RE FUCKING GAY AND SHE'S A WOMAN!"

They're words we expected to hear.

"HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? I FUCKING LOVE YOU! I TRUSTED YOU!"

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**A/N: Well? Reviews make me happy, and I need some of that right now. I mean, I NEEEEEEED it!**

**I'm so tired and confused, if it wasn't for my phone I wouldn't know what day it was. ****Next update, Tuesday? That's what my last A/N said, right? **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Much love to my reviewers...your words are getting me through my extended work hours. Thank you SO much. I'm almost there...just four more days.**

**The shit storm continues...some of you already predicted this, so...enjoy!**

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**Chapter 16 **

"I'm sorry," is all I can say as I look at Peter's face. He hasn't said a word. I'm trying to read his face. It's something that I've always been able to do, but now I can't. Whether it's because I'm so overly concerned or that he's hiding his feelings, I'm not sure.

I need to know.

I catch glimpses of things, but I am sure of one thing that I don't see.

Shock.

Peter isn't surprised at our words.

I don't dare face Riley, who has been yelling. He's Edward's problem; Peter is mine.

I keep my focus on Peter. "I…we…we're sorry, Peter. Please say something," I plead with him.

I care about Peter, and in this moment, I know just how much. It's not like what I feel for Edward, but it's strong. I don't want him to hurt. I don't want to be the source of his pain, but I know I am. He's a good man, he doesn't deserve this. I want to say I'm selfless enough to take it all back. To tell Edward I have to stay with Peter…but I'm not.

My heart wants Edward, and I have to remember that. I have to fight for us as I know Edward will.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? That I haven't been dreading this day? That I wish we could have had more time before this happened?" His words are enough to draw Riley's attention from the screaming rants about the, "spineless bitch" and "backstabbing whore" – which I'm trying to ignore.

"I knew this day would come and I would have to let you go." His words hurt and help at the same time. His smile is sad as he continues. "I gladly accepted what I could get from you, for as long as I could have it. Knowing that one day, you'd leave me for the man that you really love the moment things were clear to him."

I don't understand. Is this why Jasper was so indifferent about us telling Peter today? Did he already tell Peter? Has Peter really been preparing for this?

"How can you fucking say that? My gay boyfriend just told you he's fucking your woman. Get mad, fucking yell and scream like me. Try to hit him or something. Isn't that what macho ass men like you do?" Riley's voice is exaggerated. He's pacing the room like a rabid animal.

"What would I accomplish by doing that, Riley? It's not going to stop whatever is happening between them. It was only a matter of time before they realized their true feelings."

So much is beginning to make sense. Peter has never been comfortable with the time Edward and I spend together. His initial reaction to our friendship was extreme jealousy, but he saw Edward with his boyfriend at the time and things changed. He appeared more agreeable with the situation…our friendship, and over time he seemed to put more effort in becoming friends with Edward as well.

"But he's supposed to be gay!" Riley screams throwing his hands in the air. "How does a gay man fall in love with a woman? Gay men like cock, and she doesn't have one of those." He points at me, glaring.

"You don't fall in love or lust with a person's genitals – you fall for who they are inside. If more people followed their hearts, the world would be a better place." Peter's words shock everyone, and I feel bad for underestimating him.

Peter works with UNICEF, which is the reason for his constant travel. I should have known he would see the bigger picture. He sees a side of things that neither Edward nor I have thought of this entire time.

We're following the guidance of our hearts.

His words also make me feel even worse for my cheating, because while he was out trying to save the world's children, I was being selfish. His understanding is even more hurtful than his ire.

"That's a crock of shit if I ever heard one. No wonder she's leaving your sorry ass."

This is a bad situation, I know this. Riley is making it worse.

"Riley, that's enough!" Edward roars. "I think we've heard enough of your opinion. In fact, I've heard enough of your opinion to last a lifetime."

"Oh no, you don't get to tell me what to do anymore, you cheating dick. I gave you everything and you chose this whore over me."

"She's not a fucking whore! Call her that one more time and you will regret it."

The shouting has attracted attention. I see Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and Victoria at the door. There is clear concern on their faces.

"Oh, really? And what are you going to do to stop me? Are you going to hit me…abuse me? The way James abused you?"

I can't believe Riley would bring up such a painful moment from Edward's past.

I remember that troubled time in his life. After he became involved with James he isolated himself from us. He was unreachable by anyone but his mother. He felt so betrayed. It was the one dark spot on an otherwise shining life.

The crack of skin meeting skin echoes through the room.

"I think it's time for you to leave now, Riley."

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**A/N: I'm not ignoring your reviews. I'll respond to them this weekend. Next update Saturday. **

**Once again, reviews make me happy, and they entice me to write in my exhausted state. Jus' sayin'...**

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: This chapter is for history's sake, which is the reason why it's so long. We go into the past a bit, but we'll pick up with current day again. The line breaks start and end the history lesson.**

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**Chapter 17 – History Time**

Her words are calm, but I've never seen Esme so furious.

"I don't know what's going on in here, but bringing up the most painful time this family has ever faced is uncalled for and I will not allow you to dredge up such heinous memories in my home."

"Your son cheating on me with the bitch that's supposed to be his friend is uncalled for." She's surprised, but she doesn't back down. No one has ever spoken to Esme that way, and I feel bad because she loves Riley.

I know the angry hand print on his face hurts her more than him. It hurts me, too. Edward and I are responsible for all this pain.

"What Edward and Bella have done, or are doing, is none of my business, and until I've heard the story from my son, I refuse to pass judgment. Charlie, Carlisle and I have raised our children to always consider the feelings of others in everything they do. If they've hurt you, I'm sorry and I'm sure they are, too." She glares at us. She may say she's not passing judgment, but the words are screaming from her eyes.

'_What have you two done? How can you be responsible for so much heartache and still sleep at night? I'm so disappointed in you. I can't even look at you right now.'_

She sighs and closes her eyes before opening them and focusing on Riley.

"However, Riley, I still need you to leave my house. You disrespect me by even mentioning that psychopath's name here. Please leave."

* * *

I never liked James. I got a vibe that I couldn't explain the day I met him. I also didn't know how to tell Edward without straight out telling him not to date James, and sounding jealous, which I was.

Each time a new man came into Edward's life, I looked for flaws. Anything that would allow me to tell myself he wouldn't last. I saw too many flaws in James, and while I mentioned the little things to Victoria and Jasper, I left the most important things out of it. He was a user, manipulator and just simply gave me the creeps. The way he watched Edward when we were together made me uneasy, but I second guessed my assessment because of my reasoning for looking in the first place.

In the beginning, he monopolized Edward's time. Victoria chalked it up as new lover devotion, but they weren't in love. At least Edward wasn't, not that I could see. He just loved the constant attention he got from James, in the beginning anyway. Soon, we noticed that James would distract him whenever he tried to focus on school and study. Every weekend was club night, and then it turned into every few nights, until it was almost every night. There was drinking, and experimentation with drugs. Or rather James offered it, and Edward took it.

In the blink of an eye, James and Edward were practically living together. It hadn't been a conscious choice on Edward's part. One day he was living alone, and the next James was living with him. The story he gave was that his roommate was moving and he couldn't afford the rent on his own. He asked Edward if he could stay for a couple weeks until he found a new place, and a couple weeks turned into two months.

I didn't say anything until Edward started to withdraw from us, from me. James didn't like Edward spending time with me or his family. Edward cut back on the visits, but we didn't stop spending time together and Sunday dinners continued, infuriating James. I used those dinners to corner Edward and talk to him about the drinking, drugs and general fucking up in school. After our talks, his behavior changed little by little. I was so happy to see that my friend was still in there somewhere. The partying continued minus the drugs, but only on the weekends, and he made sure it never interfered with school.

That's when James kicked the manipulation up a notch. In James' words, I was trying to come between them. I didn't want Edward to be happy with anyone simply because I talked him into avoiding the drugs, cut back on the partying and focus on school.

James started fighting with Edward, and they weren't regular couple disagreements, but physical fights. Edward fought back, but since he cared about James he didn't really want to hurt him. James, on the other hand, was relentless. At first, he would deliver debilitating blows in areas that no one would notice – punches and kicks to his chest, stomach and back.

Edward hid it from us.

He later admitted to me that he was ashamed of allowing things with James to get so out of hand. James often caught him off guard, so even when he began fighting with all his strength, it didn't make much of a difference.

He felt weak and helpless.

The last straw for Edward was when James tried to have sex with him one night after he had been out partying, only to come home to find Edward studying. Edward never provided the details, but I got the impression he tried to rape him. Still, at the time none of this was divulged to me or his family. He asked to stay with Victoria and I, stating he and James were having problems. Victoria was furious and refused to allow him the use of the guest room saying, "Kick that fucking asshole out of your apartment and be done with him." I knew there was more to the story, so I told him he could stay, despite Victoria's protests.

I found out about the beating by accident.

We were horsing around one day; I was happy to have Edward back to himself. He had become so removed since he had started dating James. I pretended to punch him, playing like we always did, and Edward flinched.

He withdrew from me and shut down.

While trying to tickle him into smiling, he jumped from my touch, and that's when I knew something was wrong. I grabbed his shirt, pulling it up to reveal his abdomen. The sight of his bruised and discolored skin made me cry. I knew he had been hiding something from me, but I never suspected what it was.

I begged him to tell me everything, and he did. I tried to talk him into filing charges for domestic assault, but being the man he was, Edward refused.

"I know what you're thinking, Bella. This isn't abuse. It was just a scuffle."

He continued to try and convince me it was just a "scuffle," until Victoria and Jasper cornered him. His eyes were red and he refused to look me in the eye after they were finished.

Edward attempted to have charges filed for domestic abuse, but James had a friend on the force that helped him explain away everything.

Two weeks after the charges were dropped, James broke into our house and trashed the guest room where Edward was staying. The only proof we had that it was James was a text sent to Edward's phone stating, "Now you have to come home."

This time I asked Charlie for help and we were able to get a restraining order for everyone living in our house.

James wasn't the only one with friends.

At the end of the semester, Edward found his car vandalized, and decided it was best to return to Forks for the summer. He didn't want to put Victoria and me in any further danger.

A week after his arrival in Forks, James broke into the Cullen home and held Edward and Esme hostage. My dad and I had been invited to lunch that day. I was coming from Seattle, but Dad was early.

That was good for Esme and Edward, but bad for James.

He was arrested and since he had attempted to shoot my father – the Forks' Chief of Police – the charges stuck this time.

It took Edward awhile to trust again. His mother helped him, and so did his friend Emmett. Eventually, they became more than friends.

Emmett was the only boyfriend of Edward's that I didn't find fault in because he brought me back my friend. I got to know Emmett well, and found myself being happy Edward had him in his life. We became friends as well. When they broke up, I was sad, but it was amicable and Emmett still hung out with us from time to time.

* * *

I'm brought back to the present by Carlisle's voice.

"Riley, I believe my wife asked you to leave."

I look to Riley, but he's not ready to leave. He has more to say, it's all in his eyes and I don't know what this means for us...me and Edward.

I'm afraid of what his words will do to Edward.

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**A/N: Next update unknown, but hopefully soon.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hey look, I'm still writing. I also survived my busy time at work...it was a bit intense there for a while.**

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**Chapter 18 - Separation Time**

"I'm leaving, Carlisle. I just need to know one thing." His voice is calmer as he turns to Edward. "I need to know why you lied this morning. Is this why you didn't want me here today?"

The tears run down his face, and even though he was calling me a whore and a bitch just a few minutes before, as well as all the pain he's dredged up for all of us, I still feel sorry for him.

Edward looks up at Riley. "This morning you asked me if I was leaving you for Emmett. I told you no because I'm not leaving you for Emmett. I know that sounds cold, but it's the simple truth. He's my friend – end of story. I told you not to come today because you were acting irrational, pushing me for answers that I wasn't ready to give you. I knew if you came here today, it would end badly. The four of us in the same room was just a recipe for disaster. As it turned out, I was right."

He stands and walks to Riley. "Ry, I didn't want to tell you like this. I swear. I…fuck. It wasn't supposed to go down like this." His words are sincere.

"Then why, Edward? Why would you embarrass me like this? Make me embarrass myself in front of your family?"

Edward bows his head.

"I deserve an answer."

"Yeah, you do."

"Tell me."

"I…" He looks to me and then Peter. My now ex-boyfriend looks confused, but only for a minute.

"He couldn't stand to see me touching, Bella," Peter offers.

Riley begins to get angry again.

"You embarrassed me because you were jealous? You've watched him touch her for two years…what difference does it make today?"

He looks at me with scorn. In his eyes, everything is my fault, and I suppose he's right. If I had the guts to tell Edward how I felt years ago then we wouldn't be here.

Edward notices and speaks. "Don't look at her like that, and it's not her fault. We were drifting apart long before I became involved with her. We were going to break up eventually and you know it."

That's where our circumstances differ.

Peter and I haven't been drifting apart. In fact, we are at the stage – or we were at the stage – where you either move in together or get engaged, or both. Our relationship has always been one of comfort.

Sure Peter travels a lot, but his job is important, and I would look like the most selfish, self-absorbed bitch to complain about that.

When he's home, he's attentive and that's all that mattered.

He should be the one that's upset and flying off the handle, because we've been happy…content. I realize it now it really does make me the villain, but not for Riley…for Peter. I still don't understand why he's taking this so well.

Edward approaches Riley again. "Ry, I'm sorry. I really am. If I could take it back, go about this another way, I would."

He touches his cheek, caresses it. Riley takes a step and embraces him. He places his head on Edward's shoulder and begins to cry, his shoulder shake. Edward strokes the back of his head and holds him, whispering.

I can't watch anymore.

It's loving and I'm angry. Minutes ago Riley brought up the one thing he was sure would hurt Edward. It's one thing to pity him, but it's another to console him. I know that's just who Edward is – he feels the need to mend Riley's hurt. However, to what extent will he go to comfort him? What he's doing now indicates he still has feelings for him. I know I still have feelings for Peter. Where does Edward stand in regards to Riley?

I sit there trying to pretend it's Jasper that he's consoling because Jasper is safe, but he's never been intimate with Jasper.

I stay seated as long as I can.

I don't want to cause anymore drama in this house today. So the moment I feel like I am going to explode from watching my – whatever he is – embrace his ex, I rise from my seat and leave the room calmly.

There is no fanfare, no huffing, and no ploy for attention.

I just leave.

I get as far as foyer before I realize I have no way of leaving the Cullens. Edward drove me here.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn to see Peter. His smile is sad, but he takes my hand and pulls me to the door. I don't hesitate because I need to go.

We're in the car before Edward busts out of the front door. He's yelling, but I can't tell what he's saying.

"Drive," I tell Peter as I wipe the tears from my right cheek.

As we pull away from the house, I see Riley smiling.

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**A/N: I loved your reviews from the last few chapters. I know I owe you some review responses. I'll get to it, I promise. **

**Next update will be soon. It's already in progress, and my beta is awesome. Depending on when it gets done, I may do teasers on twitter.**

**Leave me some love...until next time.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello! It's me again...I bet you thought I gave up...oh ye of little faith.**

**I almost did though. For a few reasons, one being a minor health scare that had me paranoid as shit.**

**The next being work..busy time again...ugh.**

**The last reason was the 'event that shall not be named' (ETSNBN for short) had me questioning my ability to continue with this story. My loving beta told me, and I quote, "I will cut you if you stop writing." **

***blows kisses and virtual hugs at Scorp_112 and tells people, "Go read her shit!"***

**Since she knows where I live, I take that threat seriously. Also, a reader or two may have told me they like the story regardless. That being said, if you choose to flounce, be my guest. The whole thing**** (ETSNBN) brought up some hurtful memories from my past. So, I needed some time to remind myself that this is a work of fiction, not real life...so believe me, I understand if you want to bounce. **

**Now...on with the show...**

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**Chapter 19 – Deception Time**

My legs are curled beneath me on the couch.

The curtains and shades are drawn. The television is on and I'm looking at it, but I'm not watching it. I'm watching my cell phone scatter across the center table as it vibrates from yet another call I refuse to answer.

I know it's Edward.

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

"No."

"Bella, what are you doing?" Peter asks.

"Watching TV," I lie.

"No, you're not. You're withdrawing from the situation."

I turn to him. "And there is nothing to withdraw from, right? Because I'm not sitting here with the boyfriend that I cheated on, worrying about my best friend who I cheated with, being manipulated by his now ex-boyfriend, who I realized only too late played me for a fool."

His laugh is dry…humorless.

"I guess when you put it that way it does sound like a cluster-fuck."

"A cluster-fuck indeed," I reply.

We're quiet for a while until I drum up the courage to ask the questions I desperately need answers to.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I turn my head to look at him.

"Why everything? Why are you being nice to me? I'm a cheating bitch…all those things Riley called me and if you had done to me what I did to you, I would hate your ass. Like really, really hate your ass. I don't think I'd be able to forgive you. So, why are you being nice? Why aren't you yelling at me like Riley did? Why aren't you…" _fighting for what we had._

"Fighting for you?" We've always been on the same wavelength. I wonder how much longer that will last.

I don't want to lose my friendship with Peter. He was my friend before he became my lover.

He runs his hands through his hair and for a minute he reminds me of Edward.

"You don't have to fight for me, but I feel like…you should, I don't know…be angry at me. Right now you look sad and I expected that, but I also thought you would be angry…extremely angry. Instead, you rescue me when I needed to get away from Edward and the mess that I created. I just need to know why you're doing this…why you're acting this way."

He looks at me and a little frustration shines through. His voice is stern, unyielding. "What do you want me to do, Bella? Beg you to stay? Be angry with you?"

I nod; I'm not sure at which part. _He should be angry…I fucked up majorly._

"Let me clear up a few things for you. First and for most, I am angry with you, but mostly I'm sad. Yelling and screaming isn't going to change what you did. Begging you to stay will, in the long run, only cause more pain." I wait for him to explain. "Let's pretend I acted like Riley did, and tried to manipulate or guilt trip you, would you stop wanting Edward?"

"No." There is no hesitation in my response. I feel there should be, but it's not there, and I feel I owe Peter the honest truth after lying to him for so long.

"Say I fought for you, and got you to stay with me, are you absolutely sure you could be faithful to me?" I can't answer him because I don't know. I'm angry at Edward right now, but I've already risked everything, hurt so many people to be with him…could I just stop now? I don't think so. No matter how much I feel I owe Peter, Edward is the one that has my heart. It's taken all of this for me to realize it, but he's the one I truly love. I would be hurting all of us even more by trying to deny this…

"If I fought for you and took you back, I would feel the need to watch you like a hawk. I don't want that type of relationship…that type of life. Unlike our current…past relationship, the next one it would be for keeps, there would be no holding back. I'd more than likely ask you to give up Edward. I would be looking towards a future with you, more than I did before. Eventually, you would start to resent me and when the inevitable happened? What then? I would be lost. I know…I know I seem strong, and in control right now, Bella, but honestly my head is a mess. Even though I saw this coming and hoped it wouldn't, it still hurts. I don't think I would be able to forgive you a second time, and it would change me. I don't want to be the type of person that holds a grudge again. I like the man I've become. I like being able to let go."

"Okay, I get it." Once a cheater…I don't want to believe this because that means Edward and I are doomed. Though, the seed has been planted. "It doesn't explain why you're being nice? Why not let me have it for everything I did?"

"Because above all else, I want you to be happy, and Edward has always made you happy. Besides, I can't be someone that causes you pain in any way."

"I've caused you pain," I tell him.

"You haven't done anything that I wasn't preparing myself for. I would have preferred if you had not cheated on me, but there's nothing I can do about that now. Yes, I really loved you…I still do." He looks at me and I see it. I still care for him, too. So I can understand. Our feelings don't just disappear in the space of hours. "I wanted a life with you. I saw our future, the house, the white fence and the two point five kids. However, I saw things between you and Edward long before we were a couple. I tried for a very long time not to see them, but it was too obvious. Eventually, I had to start accepting that what you felt for me and him were similar, but different all the same and the future I envisioned might not happen. I stayed on the off chance that I was wrong because I knew if given the chance, we could have been great together. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, and I took a chance on love, but it didn't work out for us." He holds my face to look at him; his face is intense, serious. "I know what you saw between Edward and Riley today hurts you, but don't let that conniving asshole weasel his way back into Edward's life. Yes, Bella, you broke my heart today. Please let there be a reason I feel the way I do.

"I will always be your friend. I will always love you, but I have no delusions of us being happy together after this. If things don't work out with Edward, I'll be here for you, but there is no way in hell I'm going to sit around pining for you. I don't plan on being anyone's doormat. That ship has sailed."

I understand completely. I want to argue that he should hate me, but he's not that person anymore.

My phone rings. Again. I don't look at it this time.

Peter does. "It's Jasper. I'm answering it." I don't protest.

"What's up, brother? Yeah, I'm still with her. We're at Charlie's…no, don't tell him." He looks to me, and I nod. "I don't think she wants to see him right now. She needs to get herself together, which is fine by me because I don't know what to say to him yet. There's only so much shit I can deal with in one day. Yeah. Did Riley leave? Alone? Okay, I'm not leaving until her dad gets here. I don't know, she doesn't have classes tomorrow, but if she wants to go home, I'll take her. Okay, brother. Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow." He scoffs. "Yeah, I'm a fucking saint, but don't think your ass is off the hook for keeping this quiet. I have a feeling you knew before I did and we need to talk about that." He pauses for a long time. He nods. "Yeah, I understand. In that case, do me a favor. Deliver a message for me, and then we'll be kind of even…or close to it. Tell Edward that I gave up the only woman I've ever loved today because she wants to be with him. She'll probably forgive him for the bullshit with Riley, but if he fucks up again, I'll be waiting and next time I'm not letting go." He snorts. "Yeah, I know, that's the point. Okay, tomorrow."

I don't understand some of the things he's said and why he's being so nonchalant about this whole thing.

He hangs up the phone, and leans back onto the couch.

"Edward's going crazy, but my brother will hold him back to give you some time."

I don't know what to say other than thank you. So I do.

"Thank you. Um…why did you? Why did you tell Jasper that you would take me back? That's not…not what you said before."

He looks at me, his eyes are sad, but there's something else. Mischief.

"If Edward thinks I'm waiting for him to fuck up so I can get you back…he'll do his best not to mess it up."

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**A/N: Yeah I ended it there. Why? Because it's my story and I can do that. Plus, this is the longest chapter of my so called drabble (which it obviously isn't) and I had to end it somewhere.**

**Let me know your thoughts. **

**Next update? That will be when I have motivation to write...give me some? ****Until next time...**

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**Browns_TBG on twitter**

**~Browns**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: OMG, you guise! Are you still there? I didn't mean to take so long…I wrote the chapter and my beta had changes, I got distracted with some stuff for weeks, then she yelled at me for not making the changes, then I made the changes, then she wanted more changes, and then I did that, and FINALLY she was happy with the chapter.**

**In a nutshell, Scorp112 is awesome and deserves a gold star…enough chatting.**

**I own nothing but the characters' ramblings…enjoy!**

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**Chapter 20 - Advice Time**

"I had expected to see Edward here with you tonight. What's going on, Bella?" My dad has never been one to beat around the bush. He's not a man of many words; when he talks, he's straight and to the point.

We're in his home office and I'm not sure if Peter can hear us. I hope he can't. He's been hurt enough.

"What do you mean?"

I try to play dumb, but I know what my father is about to ask. He's observant…very observant.

"I mean that I saw a difference between you and Edward this afternoon that I wanted to talk to you about, but here you are with Peter, so now I'm wondering if I was mistaken."

He isn't and he knows it. I just don't know how to explain this all to him. It's so convoluted. Not knowing what else to do I just start talking and give my father the quick version of what's been happening. When I'm done, his face shows disappointment and concern. I fall into the closest chair and my head falls into my hands. I can't take that look from my father.

I've never been a disappointment to him and now I've done it in the worst way.

For a man that's only ever loved one woman, that has devoted his affections to a dead person for more than a decade – he won't understand this…loving two people, and having to choose to hurt one or the other.

He sighs and sits beside me.

"I don't know how this mess started, but I know how you can start to fix it."

I look to him and await his wisdom.

"You start by not using that man out there anymore. It seems you've owned up to what you did, but he can't hold onto him for comfort."

"I'm not—"

"Yes, you are. You got your feelings hurt and you turned to him because you know he still has feelings for you, and probably always will. His love is real. I saw it the first time you introduced him to me, which is why I accepted him. The sad part is, I still saw it when I looked at him today. Even after you've broken his heart."

I want to say he's wrong, but he's not. I know I've hurt Peter and I find myself hesitant to let go of him even though I don't deserve him. I don't feel like I'm using him, but I get where my father could assume that. Even if Edward goes back to Riley, I no longer belong with Peter. I cannot truly give him my heart because it now belongs to another man. Peter deserves better. He deserves a woman that loves him the way I love Edward, with everything she has. A woman that loves him with that all-consuming love that will not allow me to even consider ending this affair with Edward.

"You and Edward need to figure this thing out before you hurt yourselves and other people anymore."

He's right. He's able to vocalize in seconds what I've been churning around in my head for weeks.

"I knew you felt more for Edward than you showed, but with him liking boys, I didn't think it would go anywhere. Now that things have changed, I just think you need to be careful."

I nod.

"Don't mistake my giving you advice as acceptance of what you've done. I'm extremely disappointed you. But I know you, so I know you've hated yourself for this. Plus, you're an adult now, and you need to make your own mistakes. You live and you learn, kid."

He gets up, and takes off his holster.

"I'm going to change and give you a ride home."

"You don't have to. Peter's taking me home; he's already going back to Seattle. Plus it's late."

"What'd I just tell you, girl?" My dad's a laid back guy, and he rarely shows anger.

I'm seeing it now. _Shit!_

"To stop using Peter and depending on him, but it doesn't make any sense for you to drive me all the way home." He lifts a brow in challenge, and I know he's not going to let this one go. "I'll go tell him he can leave."

"No, I'll do it. Go wash your face and freshen up. I'll tell him you said thanks and goodbye."

I want to do as my father suggests and I think over his words. Was I truly using Peter for comfort today? I needed to talk to him and explain everything, but I didn't have to accept his staying with me. I know I agreed with his presence because of what happened at dinner. Had there not been so much confusion today, I would have been here with Edward. I would have sent Peter home.

"No, Dad. I need to do this myself. You can't clean up this mess for me."

I walk out to the living room where Peter is waiting. I tell him how sorry I am for what happened today. I make it clear that I will always care for him, and I will accept any place he's willing to give me in his life. I tell him he deserves a beautiful person, someone caring like he is that will love him with her everything. He's quick to agree, because we're not right for each other…we never were. I tell him he deserves better…more. Better than me…more than a confused girl. He accepts my words…because he knows…I'm a horrible person.

I'm a cheater and a user.

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The drive home is silent. I know my dad is thinking. He's coming to terms with my choices. I don't break the silence because that's how my father works things through. He's quiet until he needs not to be anymore.

Edward's car is in my driveway when I get home. I didn't expect it to be. I don't know what I expected.

My dad doesn't turn off the car. I turn to look at him. It's almost nine; he won't be home until after midnight if he leaves Seattle now. He has a shift at seven-thirty in the morning. I know he's tired, he went right from work to dealing with my problems. If he goes to bed now, he can get up early and leave for work. His gun and holster are in the glove compartment. I know he has an extra uniform in the trunk of the cruiser and one at the office.

"Dad, turn off the car, you can't—"

He eyes Edward's car.

"I'm staying at a motel for the night."

"You don't have to do that. You can stay in the guestroom."

He laughs. "I doubt that boy is leaving here tonight, and the last thing I want to hear is you two making up." He kisses my cheek. "I'll see you before I leave in the morning. Pancakes for breakfast? I can be a couple hours late for work. It pays to be the boss."

I smile. It's _our _secret make up remedy.

If I'm mad at my dad, I ask him to get me ice cream when I'm ready to forgive. For my dad, he asks me for pancakes, any time of the day. He's forgiven me…and that's all that matters. He may not be happy with my decisions or choices right now, but he still loves me and supports me.

I take a deep breath before I enter the house to find Edward sitting in the dark. He brings a bottle of what looks like scotch to his lips.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

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**A/N: Oh shit, someone's pissed!**

**I think we're drawing to a close…not sure how many chapters are left, but not many. I honestly didn't even plan on twenty, but these characters just take hold and refuse to let go.**

**Reviews make me smile and they really do motivate me to write. My goal is to give you another chapter before the end of the month. After that, don't expect another update for at least two weeks, I'm working non-stop from 10/1 to 10/15. Such is my life...**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: **Hopefully some of you are still out there with me. I had writer's block and I seem to be getting over it now.

SM owns the people...I own their words. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 21 - Anger Time**

The liquid sloshes in the bottle as he slams it down on the center table.

He rises from the couch, stumbling slightly. Edward doesn't drink until he's drunk, at least never before today.

"You haven't answered my question, Bella. Where the hell have you been all evening?" His speech is slurred, but intense.

"I…I was at my dad's." He stalks toward me and I take a step back with each of his. At this rate, I'll be against the door pretty soon.

"With Peter," he mumbles, stopping in his tracks. He drops to the love seat. His head falls to his palms, and it takes me a while before I realize the shaking of his shoulders is because he's crying.

"I deserve this. I cheated on Riley with you, and now you're cheating on me with Peter."

_Cheating with Peter?_

"Edward, what are you talking about? I didn't cheat on you. I would never cheat on you."

"Oh, no? Then explain to me why you left my parent's house to be with your ex and you've been gone all night." He's yelling again, and it makes me angry. I haven't done anything wrong here. He's the one that crossed the line today, not me.

I know that he's drunk, and probably won't remember this conversation in the morning, but I'm unable to hold my tongue. All the thoughts that have been swirling in my head all evening come rushing out and I'm unable to stop them.

"You have some nerve accusing me of cheating when you were all over Riley today in front of me and your family. Minutes after telling everyone you want to be with me, you're holding him and whispering in his ear. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you even know how that made me feel? How confused your family looked after the announcement _we_ made today? You wanted me to hang around and witness more of that? You wanted me to sit and watch Riley gloating over being able to manipulate you? I was so angry, I didn't even realize what he was doing until I'd run out of the room. But you let him…you let him take advantage of the situation. Yes, it was bad timing on our part to tell everyone and yes, I knew people would be hurt. I didn't expect either one of them to be okay with hearing what we've been doing. You know what I didn't expect most of all?"

It's a rhetorical question and I don't expect him to answer. Particularly since it seems all of what I'm saying is going over his head. He briefly recovers from the shock of my outburst and responds.

"For me to hug Riley?"

"No, Edward. You didn't just hug Riley. You consoled him. You treated him like your lover, as if he was the one you had wrapped in your arms this weekend. As if his lips were the ones you longed to kiss."

I don't miss the tears collecting in his eyes as he looks at me. This is third time I've seen him cry. The first was when his grandmother died; the second was during the James fiasco and now this. I caused this. I've now placed myself up there with losing the person most important to him, and almost being killed by someone he loved.

_I'll add it to my list of endless fuckups as of late._

A lone tear rolls down his face, and I feel bad for making him cry.

"I didn't know you would view me consoling a friend as turning my back on you, Bella." His anger is gone replaced by sorrow. "I thought we were beyond that."

I sigh before moving to the couch.

"Can't you see that I still don't understand why you want me? Why you would leave him to be with me? Not to mention that you've been gay since we met and now you say you're not anymore."

He looks at me with shock and awe. "Jesus Christ, Bella, you can't be serious. Did I not declare my love for you in this very room, and followed through by showing it?"

He doesn't appear drunk anymore, but will he remember this in the morning? Do we dear hash this out and find resolution tonight, whatever it may be.

One of the reasons I ran from this…me and Edward as a couple, as anything more than friends, was my fear of things ending badly. I could lose my best friend. It's that thought that has my heart beating rapidly in my chest. It's the reason my palms are now sweaty.

It's the reason I dread our next words.

This is our first real fight as a couple and it could be our last.

I struggle to find the words to tell him this is more about me, than it is about us. These are my insecurities. My fear of losing him that brought on most of what happened today.

I can see the hurt in his eyes; he can't believe I doubt him, doubt us. Though didn't he do the same thing just minutes ago?

It dawns on me then...we have bigger problems than my insecurities and Riley's manipulation.

We don't trust each other.

How can this work if neither one of us has trust in the other?

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**A/N: **Not sure when the next update will be. My beta and I have a difference of opinion on what should happen next. She'll most likely get her way because she's very persuasive. I'll try not to make it too long.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: ***moves to center stage - clears throat*

**Um... Hello again**. *covers eyes in an attempt to see the audience*

**I'm not sure how many of you are still out there, but I hope most of you are still with me.**

**I wanted to apologize for the delay. I got promoted again at work after my last update, and life has been insane ever since with little spare time. The good news is that I found time to write in between. I didn't want to post until all the chaters were done because contrary to my actions, I don't enjoy leaving you hanging. **

**There are three more chapters (including this one) and this tale will come to an end. I plan to post them every 10-14 days to give me time to write the epi.**

Much hugs and smooches to my friend and **Scorp112**, who keeps me in check and looks out for you peeps as well (I briefly went insane and considered walking away from my stories because my time is so limited - she stopped me). I miss you dearly, Chica, and can't wait to see you this summer.

**Disclaimer: **SM owns all. I own nothing but my warped thoughts, and a bunch of electronic gadgets, I can't seem to live without.

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**Chapter 22 - Action Time**

He's upset. I'm upset, nothing will be resolved tonight.

We need sleep and I tell him this. He stares for a moment before nodding. He doesn't stumble when he rises this time.

He takes my hand as he heads for the stairs.

On the second floor, I stop at my bedroom door. He turns to me with questioning eyes.

I don't speak; instead I move to turn the knob.

"You know I won't sleep in there."

"I know," I tell him.

"Then let's go to the other room. Our room."

"No, I want to sleep in my own bed tonight." He opens his mouth, but closes it just as quickly. He tries again.

"I can't sleep in the bed where you were with him, Bella."

"I know, Edward." As I pull my hand from his, I say, "Good night."

He continues to stare as I close the door. I flip the lock because if I don't he'll open it and try to drag me from the room. I slide to the floor against the door in preparation for his reaction. He won't accept this easily.

I know he heard it, but he tries the knob anyway. There's a thump on the door, mostly likely from him hitting his head against it.

"Bella, don't do this," he whispers. It hurts already. I didn't plan for it to happen this way. It's for the best.

We need time.

"Bella, open the door." He's a little louder than before.

"Get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning," I reply. My voice is shaky and I know he hears that, too.

"Open this fucking door, Bella!" He pounds on the wood. His words are angry, but I hear something else in his voice.

Pain.

The tears begin to fall down my face. I don't want to hurt him, but I see no other way out of this. We need time, more than just tonight.

He's been drinking, he can't drive home. He needs to stay here, but not with me. I can't let his touch, his words, his breath hypnotize me into pretending everything is okay.

It's not. We're not.

"Bella, please. I love you."

"I know," I whisper back.

I've never doubted that. Not as his friend and not as his lover. I know it's real…his love for me. I was there watching when it changed. I doubt his loyalty, though. I doubt his ability to trust in me.

We began out of betrayal, and that's not easy to forget. I don't want to live with the uncertainty, the worry waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He needs to see Riley for what he is, and I…I need…I don't know what I need besides time.

Time to think about what I'm doing.

Time to learn how to trust the man I love.

Time to work on me.

"Bella…" He's crying. I can tell because I'm crying, too.

"Please, Edward. Just get some sleep. We can talk in the morning."

It takes a while, but his feet shuffle down the hall, and I finally hear the click of a closing door.

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I don't sleep. I hope he does. He needs it more than I do.

I think about what I want to say to him in the morning. I want to be able to articulate my thoughts so he can understand them. My mind is jumbled; I can't focus on just one thing. I just know I need some reassurances from Edward, and then I need to make peace with my demons.

I think about the look on his face when I yelled at him, the disbelief and confusion at my words. Edward doesn't know that Riley manipulated him, or he doesn't want to know…

I convince myself we need time. We need time apart to work out our issues, me on my insecurities, and Edward on seeing Riley for who he is or pretends to be, plus figuring out what the two of us together really means for him. The thought of hurting him more sends me into another crying spell.

By the time my alarm goes off in the morning, I'm ready.

I rise ready to make my peace offering for my dad.

I find Edward in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee. He looks like I feel, and everything I had planned to say flies from my head.

It hits me like lightening. I can't leave him, even temporarily. My mind goes back to the sound of his pleas from the night before. And I just can't. We can work on things together. We've never been good at heavy, but we can learn.

Together.

I begin to speak, but Edward beats me to the punch.

"I obviously missed something with Riley because before I left Forks, Victoria ripped me a new one. I thought she was full of shit until what you said last night. I need to make it clear to Riley that we're over and it's not because of you."

I'm relieved, this is good. He's going to get Riley to back off and leave us alone. That's my biggest worry, Edward going back to him, but now I don't have to concern myself with that.

"I didn't sleep last night; all I thought about was our fight. You don't trust me, and I don't know what to do with that. You don't believe in us, and that's just as bad. The Riley stuff, that's on me, but thinking I would betray you to your face, that's on you. I've said the words, performed the actions, and still you question how I feel. You question my love…my devotion."

He has yet to look at me. The coffee still has his attention. It worries me.

Where is he going with this?

Finally, he looks at me. I wish he hadn't.

"I think we need some time apart."

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**A/N: Next update will be no later than June 16th...if I haven't updated by then, feel free to give me a little nudge.**


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